“If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?“

My husband and I are in on our way to celebrate 13 years as a couple this week. I always describe our relationship as a journey, and like any long journey it has come with a lot of growth, surprises both good and bad and a lot of self introspection, negotiation and adaptation.

I would describe our relationship as happy, there is trust and reliability and chemistry. While this is obviously good, it does require work and a lot of ongoing communication.

In the last couple of years a big shift happened which resulted in me being full time at home. It was nice in some ways but it brought up to light something I had tried to pinpoint for a long time. You see, my husband is very supportive and helpful, he will cook and clean and follow a list if I give him one of things needing done but there is a wide array of up keeping details that tend to fall through. It is the countless little things that need done and go unnoticed, everyday, like putting new roll on the wall handle rather then leaving the empty roll on and putting the new one on the ledge or top of the toilet. I love when anyone notices one of these little things needing done and does them and I always make sure to thank the lovely helper. I love making sure they know how much of a difference they make by each little unprompted act of help and they should be proud of themselves.

This brings me to the philosophical question of the tree falling in the forest. Anyone would agree that the tree falling will create a shockwave, but the sound can only be perceived if ears are present to perceive the shockwave. While this might feel like a riddle of little importance, I would argue that for a healthy relationship to work, the need for. a sound to be heard is of utmost importance.

In a relationship, each little act, like a tree falling, produces a shockwave. It matters that someone be there for this wave to be made a sound. You see, when living on your own, you do all these little things to keep your space clean and happy and you hear the sound of your own work, you notice the difference it makes in your own happiness. When living as part of a relationship or a family, all these little things still need done and so many more from the fact that so many more people are involved and it can feel sometimes hard or discouraging for the quiet work to go unnoticed, taken for granted, as if no ears are there for the falling tree. For a relationship to keep its happiness levels, it matters that you keep your ears opened to each little shockwave. You need to know the work being done that contributes to your happiness and not let it go unnoticed. This can be from thanking your child for making her sibling’s bed to taking over the dishes from your wife and asking her what else she was going to do next and tell her to sit down for a cup of tea for a minute and thank her, let your loved one know that you see the little things they do, each strand weaving the basket of your home.

A big part of happiness is knowing it is not something that can be taken for granted but a state that needs to be worked on and maintained constantly, the more you work at it though, the less effort it feels like and the most result it yields. I cannot begin to express how wonderful a relationship where you are seen for yourself and where your work is appreciated is. If you are ever wondering you might not be noticing what your other half is doing for you, think back to what you would be doing for yourself if living on your own and notice what you do not need to worry about anymore, that is what is probably been done for your quietly and requires your gratefulness and a thank you hug (chocolate and favourite flowers, maybe jewellery or anything from the unchecked Amazon basket will be greatly appreciated too).

I hope this little post brings you some happiness,

Have a magical day,

N.