Roe vs Wade

My heart is broken.

But this is not an article that is going to go into the depths of how wrong what is happening in the US is. I feel too raw right now to express this. This article is going to share my personal insight in why the right to abortion is important to me, a now mother of five.

I found myself a little over eight years ago staring at a positive pregnancy test in the bathroom of a supermarket. To this day I still remember the feeling of utter despair that washed over me. My husband and I were using three different types of birth control. We had a little girl whose birth had left me traumatised, while her pregnancy had been fine, the birth experience had left me unwilling to have any more children. And yet, here I was. Pregnant. Again.

I felt immediately isolated, scared, angry, anxious and desperate. I felt trapped in my own body and resentful. I fell into a deep cycle of depression and struggled with daily life for a few weeks. I got to a point where I decided to go see my doctor and ask for help, my initial thoughts were that there might be some antidepressants that could numb all feelings because nothing I felt was fine.

The doctor sat down across from me and asked me questions to understand where my feelings were coming from. He gave me a space that allowed me to sort my feelings and then told me: You. have a choice. It does not matter what your family or anyone expects of you. You have a choice.

He proceeded to explain the referral he was going to make for me to maternity services but also my options for a termination of pregnancy. He gave me a space to ask questions, without judgement, a place where I felt seen, heard, respected. I went home with my options in mind.

The talk and the right to an abortion saved my life. It gave me back power over a situation that had brought me to a very dark emotional place. Most importantly it gave me the choice to have my daughter. I decided to carry on the pregnancy, it was a difficult one but her birth was a healing experience.

My second daughter is seven years old now, thanks to her I went on having three more children and became a better mother and I get to hold her and tell her she was wanted, and that is something that every child should deserve to know they were: wanted.

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